Lights Out

I've been mulling this over for a long time...weeks, maybe even months. It's been a decision that has crept up on me, and basically made itself, as these things are wont to do.

It's time to shut 'er down. Close the doors. Toss the proverbial bottle into the ocean.

I have that statcounter doodad. I know that a few of you still read me every now and then...thanks for staying interested in my life and my ramblings. I know some of you see more of my life via the blog than you do of me in the flesh. Some of you only know me via the blog these days.

If I was going to overanalyze, I'd say that as I'm embarking on a new phase of my life, it's time to shut the door on the old one. It's all part and parcel of turning 30, a new perspective, a new lens...that maybe falls with grace was apropos of me five or six years ago, but slowly, I've found balance and grace, that the bumps and bruises (hell, major lacerations and near death experiences) of my twenties have slowly faded and I'm learning how to walk and run without falling at all.

If I was going to be honest, I'd say that while all that is true, I've found value in turning my attention to those right in front of me, of saving my stories for them, for paper and for a later date. Instead of relating what was, what happened, I want to turn my eye forward to what is and can be.

Maybe I just don't have any damn time and I'm tired.

Nah. That's an easy excuse.

I feel like I'm breaking up with someone...

I'll miss you.

Good night.

Just when I think I'm done

Just when I think I might be
a) too busy
b) out of things to say
or c) just generally over it

something happens I feel necessary to share with the world. Reader (and I do say that in the singular sense, because I'm not sure anyone still reads this), you may hear from me less, you may see less evidence of my angst/celebrations/wild gesticulations. But never fear, I am not far away and very little changes.

So, before I get caught doing this instead of my work...

I had lunch with my mother the other day. She's lovely. She's my best friend and I talk to her everyday. She curses with me, cries with me, drinks with me (all elements of a healthy relationship, right)? She's supported me through marriage, divorce, moving, moving...moving...yeah, I moved a lot. She knows me well.

So she is telling me about a conversation she's had with my brother in law describing my relationship with the BF. BF, if you happen to read this, take note. This is your induction into the blog...this, my love, is the first in a long line of pieces I will write about me/you/us. Wink, wink. She is trying to explain to the Brother in Law my, ahem, shall we say nature when it comes to relationships.

Finally she says, "You know that Bruce Springsteen song The Secret Garden? That is written about my daughter."

And then she highlighted the following lyric: She'll let you in her heart, If you got a hammer and a vise.

Huh.

I looked up the rest of the lyrics today, and while I don't deny the insight, I tend to think I'm a little better than this crazybird the Boss writes about. And, anyway, doesn't that make the pot'o'gold at the end of the rainbow that much better, all the work? (That is not a euphemism...though it could be).

Oh, boy.

Secret Garden
Bruce Springsteen

She'll let you in her house
If you come knockin' late at night
She'll let you in her mouth
If the words you say are right
If you pay the price
She'll let you deep inside
But there's a secret garden she hides

She'll let you in her car
To go drivin' round
She'll let you into the parts of herself
That'll bring you down
She'll let you in her heart
If you got a hammer and a vise
But into her secret garden, don't think twice

You've gone a million miles
How far'd you get
To that place where you can't remember
And you can't forget

She'll lead you down a path
There'll be tenderness in the air
She'll let you come just far enough
So you know she's really there
She'll look at you and smile
And her eyes will say
She's got a secret garden
Where everything you want
Where everything you need
Will always stay
A million miles away

Summer Reading List 09

So, I have this ever-growing pile of books on my bedside table. It keeps growing, day by day...I have been anxiously anticipating the arrival of summer and the free time to read them. And then I noticed the theme: food. And I remembered that this is, in large part, what I study every day. And then I decided to get credit for them.

So, here's Sarah's Graduate Course in Food, a Summer Reading List:
The Omnivore's Dilemma; Michael Pollan
Fatland; Greg Crister
Animal, Vegetable, Miracle; Barbara Kingsolver
The Ethics of What We Eat, Why Our Food Choices Matter; Peter Singer
Sweetness and Power: The Place of Sugar in Modern History; Sidney Mintz
Food Politics; Marion Nestle
What to Eat; Marion Nestle
The End of Food; Paul Roberts

And then, my list of books to read in my space time:
Empire Falls (again) Richard Russo
The Fruit of Stone; Mark Spragg
A Little More About Me; Pam Houston
A Year of Magical Thinking; Joan Didion
Olive Kitteridge; Elizabeth Strout
The Art of Racing in the Rain; Garth Stein
The Autobiography of Mark Twain; guess who
A Slice of Organic Life

I know you're all thrilled...but if anyone feels like reading along, feel free. I'm always looking for company and conversation.

BIRD GONE THANKS (OWENSVILLE)

fallswithgrace@yahoo.com has forwarded you this craigslist.org posting.
Please see below for more information.

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BIRD GONE THANKS

Reply to: sale-ag3fw-1125205400@craigslist.org
Date: 2009-04-16, 11:24AM

BIRD IS GONE

• Location: OWENSVILLE
• it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

Original URL:http://columbiamo.craigslist.org/zip/1125205400.html

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this craigslist posting was forwarded to you by someone using our
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Not Hotter Than Me

I'm actually contemplating this one...I mean, just for the sake of the experience.

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Looking for Bridesmaids - w4w

Reply to:
Date: 2009-02-27, 8:53PM

So, my fiancee and I are getting married in June. He has 8 groomsmen lined up and I only have one bridesmaid. So, I need some girls who are attractive and around my age to stand up in my wedding. You can be single or taken. It doesn't matter....you just have to be hot. But, not hotter then me. Email me for more information. The wedding will be in Madison and you won't have to pay for a thing.
Hope to hear from you!

• Location: Madison
• it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

Original URL:http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/mad/1053693787.html

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this craigslist posting was forwarded to you by someone using our
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Yet another genius on craigslist...I ask you, why o why would you sell one coffee mug?

 

Coffee Mug - $1 (columbia)

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Reply to: sale-4qmmx-1124510430@craigslist.org ^{[Errors when replying to ads?]}
Date: 2009-04-15, 9:33PM CDT


This is a blue coffee mug with black handle, top and middle section. It has a stainless steel inside to keep your drink warm. :). It has a swivel top on lid that opens and closes. Used. We are asking one dollar cash only. We have to many so we are getting ride of this one.

• Location: columbia
• it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

Quitter

I didn’t make any New Year’s Resolutions this year. None. I didn’t set goals, I didn’t attempt to break bad habits, I didn’t secretly in my heart hope to win the lottery or fall in love. I am a consummate list maker, so this is something quite unlike me. However, I’d like to go ahead and recognize the fact that in not planning out my bazillion goals for the year, I think I actually managed to achieve a few.

One being that I have, I believe, quit smoking. By accident, sort of. Here’s the thing. I smoked a lot in college. I smoked a lot after I got divorced and worked in a bar. Then I moved to a city where none of my friends smoked, you couldn’t smoke in bars or restaurants, where they cost almost as much as a mediocre bottle of wine and where it was generally looked upon as a character flaw. So, I cut back. When I say cut back, I mean I smoked once every few days. Sometimes, once a day. Sometimes once a week. But somehow, I just couldn’t quite give that up.

I moved back to Missouri where my friends smoked, but you still couldn’t smoke in public, and they cost as much as microbrew. One day on my way to work, I looked at the car pulled up beside me and saw a woman in her late thirties, not bad looking, sucking on a cigarette and looking completely unattractive. I mean, my first impression was "ew." Then I thought—Oh, God. That could be me.

When my Dad was diagnosed with cancer, you’d think it would have been the final nail in the nicotine coffin. I would have tossed them aside and never looked back, you know, bad genes and all. A better person with more will power might have been able to. I am not her. And, frankly, I don’t want to meet her because I don’t think I’d like her. As I tried to navigate a family in shambles, a financial disaster, and a complete lifestyle upheaval, I clung to the things that relieve stress for me: food (eating and preparing), booze, running and smoking.

We made it. Dad is officially in remission, less than a year after he was diagnosed with Stage IV colorectal cancer and told his odds were not favorable. After sixteen weeks of recovery from major surgery, after radiation and two rounds of chemotherapy, in less a month he will be out of the woods, a survivor. Personally, I have found some rhythm to my chaotic life once again. I have dug myself out of a financial wasteland (it’s been a long climb). And, somehow, I quit smoking.

I was at the doctor the other day and she asked if I was a smoker and I could confidently say no.

When I was twenty-two I had a long list of things I wanted to do with my life. I wanted to travel abroad, I wanted to go to grad school, to live in another city, to write for a living. I wanted to have a job that thrilled me instead of one that was safe. I put off a lot of those things in the name of love. Five years later, I'm finally able to say that I've accomplished those things. Or, perhaps better put: to have those experiences. I’ve found a certain peace in that…having doggedly gone after the things I truly, deeply desired, even when it was hard and scary. Thank God I did.

I’m twenty-nine. Perhaps it’s those challenges that I’ve faced in the last nine months, or perhaps it’s just wisdom with age…but I for the first time don’t feel a nagging feeling that the list of things I haven’t done is longer than the list of things I have.

I’ll probably always be a listmaker. I’ll probably always have things that I want to try. I have a little more faith that those experiences will come to me, that I don’t have to chase them quite so much.

Sort of like quitting smoking. It just stopped seeming fun, so I stopped doing it. Easy as pie.

Did I mention that I'm giving up sugar for two weeks? Old habits die hard.

Guess Where I'm Going?

Yes, I'm gloating. But I'm very excited...its my 30th birthday present. Across the pond I come to descend on the land of my people...all by myself in Ireland for seventeen days. I can hardly stand it!!!

I recently re-read my list of 30 things to do before I'm 30. I have accomplished approximately half. But, frankly, the most important half I think. And I'm well on my way to another quarter...the rest are things like surfing and skydiving, and, well, the surf and the sky will be there for another year, I say.